Na kaleni, suka!!!

so iam bored and broke..things i can do..
1.learn some instrument..yeah rite..
2.work out..id rather make out..
3.download porn..naah..hard disk full,im tired of deleting music for orgies..
4.drink/score..im broke..
5.write..yeah im bored..

stuck in doon..using "stuck" here cud b a lil harsh(i ws in trichy few days back,sorry shaktiman)..ok i mean doon is a nice city..good weather..good food..good girls..plus im at home..khaana pina lodging laundry free..so its not that bad..but im fkn bored..meri marzi..mera blog..
so im gonna jot down randomly..league started again(har saal shuru ho jaati hai)..but no football today..mayb after a treble or a double..a double in england is parlay in america..fkn too much online gambling..won 0.6 $ on ladbrokes,6 kings aa gaye haath mein..but im on detox..things u do at home..last cigarette smoked was 3 days back..jus watchn pics of famous ciggrt brands online.."tasveere tum le jaao..yaadein main le jaata hu"..watched KNPH again..reminds me of my hrithik roshan phase..even had a poster of him..
Other posters i had in my old jalandhar room..
1.sachin tendulkar
2.jordan
3.Thierry Henry
4.Thierry Henry(again)
5.van nistelrooy(brother is a useless utd fan)
6.Michael Owen(sportstar mein aaya tha laga liya)
7.david bechkam(yes im gay)
8.the beatles
9.jonty rhodes
10.Zizou..
11.sunny deol(hoho,gotcha)

clearly im devoid of any ideas..but no alt+f4..stil got haf an hour worth crap inside of me..what can i write about..???
life..well waiting for the joining cud b boring too..my parents think i didnt get a job n im jus buyn time chilln at home..my gf thinks im not cmin to pune(ever ever in d world)..trust issues i tell u..dats all i can rite bout lif..nthns happening..can rite bout after life mayb..a houri awaits me..who knws..
crap crap crap..so il jus go..fastforward..

year 2025AD..im a famous movie director living in milan(no i still support arsenal).. married to my 2nd wife Beatrice née Del Toro,italian model with mexican ancestery along with my son junaid from my 1st wife amatallah an afghan reporter(who i met during the filming of my blockbuster "kabul ki duaayeen leti jaa" n who was later kidnapped(n i hope not raped) by the taliban for making love wid an infidel(me)..junaid is planning to join FBI to kill his mother's killers(i hope not rapists) and mayb run for US president as any1 cud b a POTUS these days..lets see how that works out..
so its drizzling outside..i come out of my heatef indoor pool after a delightfull swim session wid beatrice(me stud me)..light my cuban(no mom,i havnt quit smoking) and realize that i have an interview scheduled with TIME(mba coaching waala nahn saalo) when my maid Jacquelyn(french) tells me that a magazine's reporter is waiting outside..fuck i gotta an interview with them..memory loss..a symptom of the rich..
"hello sirji"
"sir JI..desi??" my mind runs..i look at him..fuck..a mid 30 male indian..bald,ghissu..i ws hoping for a femme fatale,well nevermind..
"hey" i act disinterested..im rich..
"is it the right time?" he asks..bloody diplomat..
"TIME is always right uh.." i retort..mixing pun with humor,dats what made me rich i mean..along wid selling coke to african kids but dats another story and dats y i wnt let junaid join FBI..engineer bano..dats what my father said..dats wt il say.
he smiles unknowingly..i bet he didnt understand wt i said..bloody low iq..bc kisko bhej diya richard ne..
"so wts ur name? u seem new?" i try n put d guy in ease..its not the 1st time that TIME is interviewing me..
"vinod khanna" he hisses back..there is smthn bout this guy..i search his name on my blackberry..lotsa results on the real vinod khanna..some amar akhbar anthony n vardi's songs links on youtube too..
finally i got it..vinod khanna..assistant reporter TIME magazine..worked for amar ujaala before that,known for his grindin interview skills,some say mayawati made sure that he landed a job in TIME so that he wud stop harassing her on her UP nav nirmaan yojna....i knew it..there ws smthn in his eye..
"toh shuru karein sirji?"
"hindi mein??"..mere tashan..
"sirJI main hindi main poochunga,aap english mein jawaab de..thodha adjust karein..so shall we start??"
"why not!!" im nervous..trust me..
"chori on kakori express..movie ka naam aisa kyo..poori movie mein koi chori nahn,koi kakori express nahn..sirf nasha aur nanga naach..KYO KYO??"
"well u c.. chori on kakori express==COKE..its not jus a move to dodge d censor board..d movie depicts young kids addicted to drugs..d same nation for which d congress looted the kakori express..a free india,a young india..and d movie depicts drugs n sex instead..yeh movie hatke hai..its a satire u c.." kya chuttad question poocha saale ne..i ws prepared for that..
"waah waah..ji bilkul..to fir itna ghuma fira k naam kyo rakha..seedha nashey ka zehrilla chumma,aisa kuch kyo nahn?"
"well u c..we cnt be dat direct..audience shudnt just judge the movie on its name..thr shud b sm twist evn if thrz no plot..n mine had two..one running back in colored n other runnin forward in black n white..its 1st time smthn lik that had happnd.." i lean back..
"sir aisa kuch memento mein bhi hua tha..haina??" the bastard sneers..
"well thats diffrnt..memento had the same plot..we had 2 diffrnt plots..1st is a young kid taking revenge n getting his dads empire back by killing villain's one daughter n roamancing the other n the second includes d same kid getting killed and his rich "hamshakal" taking revenge after his lover spots him in new zealand and falling for the same gir,rembr sirJIl..in between thr is lotsa drugs n sex which depicts nations problems"
"sir plots kuch jaane pehnchaane nahn hai? aur kuch sense bhi nahn ban rahi aapas mein..audience ek baar mein kuch samajh nahn paai..aisa KYO KYO??"
"well u c..its no doubt a dedication to baazigar and kaho naa pyaar hai but the cinematography is totally diffrnt...
the one dat looks lik baazigar has hrithik roshan and the movie runs in black n white..while d odr 1 has SRK n runs backward and theres a script too..its completely diffrnt..plus d songs r not same..we hav usd old classic duran duran and aerosmith hits to appeal to our offshore audience..its a new look wid retero appeal and non linear approach dat makes this movie a modern classic.."
"kuch bhi?"
"dats rakesh roshans new movie..no comments"..hoho..dat was gud..
"sirJI mera matlab aap kuch bhi bolenge ab..aapki movie kisi ko samajh nahn aai..uska kya jawaab hai?"
"well not evry1 understands laws of motion..doesnt mean einstein ws a shithead?"..i shud b a lawyer..
"newton.." he smiles
"jee woh ek puraani adaakaara hai..unko beech mein naa laaye.."
"behenchod!!!"
"is this on the record?" i enquire..
"sir scotch ho jaaye..tension ho gayi hai"
badha kutta aadmi hai..
"old monk chalegi?" vinod khanna ko lodha scotch pilaunga main..
"sir kuch bhi de do..mix mat karna apni movie ki tareh..tikke lagwa do..subah se kuch nahn khaya"
bastard..no doubt he handled mayawati..
"i dnt eat non veg on sunday..pea nuts kha lo?" main kam kutta hu..
"nimbu dalwa dena"
i order all this to Jacquelyn and spank her on her way back..dnt get me wrong..dats jus a code..now she wil spit in vinod's drink n make it small instead of usual large..
he asks random off d record questions till d time being..Jacquelyn cms wid d drinks and serves us..i spank her again on her way back..get me wrong..my maid, my blog..
interview restarts..
"y the multiple endings..Y Y??" he sips n barks..chadh gayi saale ko,daru pi ke english shuru..
"well multiple plots..multiple endings.." i answer as if its obvious..
"but the movie shud hav 1 ending,i mean me n my wife watchd d movie on 2 diffrnt screenings..n later whn we discussd..we fought ovr the endings as it ws diffrnt in our cases..had a fite..we almost had a divorce..y did u do that?"
"abey tum dono saath movie nahn dekh rahe..fite tumhari already hai,divorce mere naam kyo,meri khud do shaadiya hai.." i start in hindi..mujhe chadh gayi??
"he he he..sirJI small thi kya yeh..jaldi utar gayi.." saala lagta puraana darubaaz hai..
i order sm more..spanking continues..
"so how many endings r there??"
"well ek meri..ek producer ki..ek shaqeel bhai ne bola tha ki marine drive pe bomb blast sequence ho end pe..junaid ke liye pokemon waali..ek aad aur hogi..aapki kaunsi thi??"
"the 1 whr ET goes back.."
"well woh stevie ne idea diya..theme hai ki sab waapis chale jaate hai...."
"lik SRK leavn NASA n returnin to India ?" he shouts back
"exactly.." i lik him now...a lot can happen over booze..he winks..gay..
"aakhri sawaal...kabse join kar sakta hu sir?"
"i think he is perfect" whispering..
"aaj se.."
jab karna ho max impress..Fair & Lovely Max Fairness..



PS..badhe badhe deshon mein aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain senorita..